I was talking the other day with someone about a girl we grew up with (that wasn't what one would call a "looker") who had recently gotten engaged to be married. I asked them If they could get married what is wrong with me? to which the other told me "most people just settle, where you do not."

Later that evening it struck me funny as I reflected on the conversation that there is a colloquial phrase "to settle down" - and I laughed because when people are said "settle down" they get married. I do tend to be very particular where the other sex is concerned and have oft said I do not settle for what I consider sub-standard,so I guess I will never be one to settle down....

Let me talk a little bit about needy emotional people. You know the kind., those that "can't go on this way" the ones that feel that they must make everyone else around them miserable and cranky just like them.

Not everyone wants to get caught up in your little black hole of despair. Sure, we all have our problems and we all need someone to turn to when we have these little upsets. I just recently invite a friend who was down in the dumps to come hang out and have a change of scenery.That same person just stormed out in a huff not more than 5 minutes ago. I suspect it is more because the whiny brat didn't get their way and I refused to quarrel and argue with them about the same old argument that they just refuse to move on from.

 We all do not "release" or deal with them in the same ways. I for example hold things in. I put my little worries in a box and file them away until I can better deal with them.  I do have my little meltdowns from time to time, but I do not project them on others and I do not force people to deal with problems they way I do.
There are some out there who like to beat the dead horse. If I say I don't want to talk about something, then leave me be. Don't get an attitude or throw a tantrum directed towards me because I don't want to talk. If I don't want to talk, I don't want to talk. Trying to guilt me into talking isn't going to work either. You will not change who I am and I will not be susceptible to the gravitational pull of your emotional black hole.
I do not care about your "needs" you have never cared about mine, so they way I look at it we are even.
Is that evil? or is it just the way of the world and something you need to grow up and face?

I am good and G** damned tired of people thinking that my sole purpose on this Earth is to entertain them. There are certain people who only call me when they are bored or need something. Never to just call to check up on me, make sure that I am stilll here, see if there is anything they can do for me. Nope! instead what I get are calls or IMs or emails or voicemails telling me that I need to wake up because it is after such and such time and I should be awake.

well ya know what? This is MY life. I get up when I feel like it, I am not subjected to any other person's idea of "time to be awake". When I turn off ringer or don't answer messages, Don't keep needling me and re-dialing till I answer. And for damn sure, don't you finally get me to answer and then have the nerve to tell me that you are pissed at me because I get angry at having been waken up before I meant to get up. 

It's not like you had something important to tell me like someone has passed away, or been in a horrible car wreck. you only want me to be awake to amuse and entertain you because you are bored and have nothing better to do.

My life is simple. I don't have to be tied to a clock to punch in and out at predisposed times. If i choose to stay up til 3 am watching TV or I happend to still be awake when the sun comes up because I can't sleep,  SO BE IT 

You don't get to tell me that 'normal' people talk to each other in the day light and "[I] don't belong here."

'Cuse me??? I don't belong here?  You must be mad! I belong anywhere I decide I belong. 

If you want entertainment, don't call me. I'm not an entertainer by trade. 

If you want friendship, then I'm here. But friendship is a 2-way street. If you want me to be receptive to you be receptive to me. 

When I call with problems, let me talk; let me get it off my chest. Don't instead try to "one up me" with your problems. I don't mind hearing about what issues you have going on in your world but for heavens sake don't act like you are the only one with problems. And let me add this, if I tell you, for example, that I have one day left to live, don't tell me that you stubbed your toe and understand how I feel. I'm not asking for sympathy on my hypothetical impeding death, but rather just to tell someone what I'm going through. I don't need for you to come up with something simliar to try to "soothe" me. 

I have had enough of people trying to "guilt" me into their way of thinking, their deluded sense of what is right and what isn't. I have never fit into a mold before and I'm sure not gonna try squeezing into one now!

God gave me a brain of my own and I will make decisions as I please. If you don't like it, goodbye.

I no longer care what anyone thinks about me. I'm tired of living for other people. No one else seems to want to live for me, so why should I twist myself into knots trying to please and pamper and cater to them?

I had a conversation with The Widow today.. (The Widow, for newcomers, is my mother)
It has always been a bittersweet relationship that she and i share. Not that much different from Mommie Dearest. I as have gotten older (my age will not be mentioned) I can see that all these years I have driven myself crazy trying to win the love and affection of a LUNATIC.
That woman is seriously off her rocker. I cannot fathom how she has managed to get the her age with some of the backwards things that she does and thinks. I also do not honestly know how I am the fruit of her loins??? I am nothing like her. I am caring an respectful and (for the most part) have common sense.

So for this Mother's Day weekend I raise my glass to all of those who have mothers that they can look up to love and respect. I also hold the highest esteem for the mothers that took the time to sacrifice their own happiness and  time and lives to raise their children and not run from responsibility.

If you know me, you know that weird and fanciful things happen to me. I have often said I would write a book, chronicling these tales. the book probably wouldn't sell, but it was always just a joke..

on the other hand (there is always that "other hand" isn't there?) blogging might be fun, so I'm giving it a try.

beginnings...

I have always been scared of change, frightened of a disruption to the little life I have carved out for myself.

I have had a lot of new beginnings, and a lot of starting overs, each time hoping that that would be the last time.

but maybe somehow the universe knows that the path I've been set on won't meet my standards and gives me an "out".

In any event, here I am again starting over. new home, new job... 

only not everything is new, I'm not new, I'm still me. I sometimes wonder if the circumstances aren't the issue, but I am the issue. NAH! that can't be it. I'm perfect. (ha ha) seriously though, I am far from perfect. I have my faults the same as everyone else. I like to think that it makes me unique and I truly know that there is not another one like me in the world. 

In this new life that I am venturing into, I hope that I learn from the wrong turns I have taken in this maze and finally find myself and also, find myself happy at last..

Wish me luck, as I'm sure this will be an "interesting" journey 

(interesting in that there are bound to me more than one retarded thing to happen to me along the way)