Today I wad told "being married isn't so bad if you don't think about it"
LOL

Maybe that's my problem...

walk a mile in my shoes

Today I walked 4 miles.

4 miles in the sweltering heat! was I mad?? had I lost my mind? No. I've just lost my job and transportation. So I am left with no choice but to walk where I need to go. Usually it isn't so bad, but today it was 100 and 3 freaking degrees outside. (or so the many bank thermometers told me along my journey) 

After about 5 minutes into my little jaunt  I was drenched! My hair was dripping sweat into my eyes, my shirt was stuck to me with the tell tale ribbons of wetness tattooing my shirt all down the front and back.

I even had a nice little wet spot on my pants so it looked like I'd pissed myself. LOVELY!

But all of that I can endure, because I'm doing what has to be done. 

What I cannot endure are the looks that I get as I'm minding my own business walking down the sidewalk. 

What? Has the population degraded so much that it is unthinkable to see someone using the two legs God gave them? 

Is it that unimaginable that a person walking in the heat will sweat?

Well, to those gawkers I say: 

WALK 4 MILES IN MY SHOES 

Just a little sage advice: never keep your tube of toothpaste and tube of Icy Hot in the same drawer... I'm just sayin' :)

remember that "new job" of mine that I so proudly added to my list of new things? 

Well it sucks! I should have started regularly working ages ago, but there have been nothing but technical problems! Ya see, it's a work at home/outsourced job. I should be merrily typing away, answering the phone in my pjs on a daily basis dealing with idiot customer who call in for service on the cell phones, but from the giddy-up it has been nothing but a headache. "the system is down" or my network log on doesn't work correctly etc. 

I am at the point of pulling out my eyelashes one by one. I just can't seem to catch a break. Not only have a spent money getting this all set up and paid for training, but I've also had to install a home phone line that I didn't need as well as my own internet (my apartment comes with free wi-fi, but I can't use wi-fi for this, I have to be have an ethernet connection) and now am incurring bills that I didn't have to worry about before and wish to the good Lord above that I didn't have to worry about now because, being that I haven't been working, I haven't been getting paid either. 

So here I am STILL stuck on the measly pittance the Security Employment Commission doles out to me each week, wondering how I am going to get by in what was suppose to be a new start for me.

people, I tell ya, things are bleak. 

Living at the beach is not all it is cracked up to be.

Jobs are scarce when you have to look for something with in walking distance. I take that back, good   jobs are scarce. I could work in one of the many beach stores that are here for minimum wage, but that is not full time work, in a few months the season is over and and I'm right back where I started from. (not to mention that beachwear retail is how I ended up in the pickle of no job, no car in the first place)

Just once I would love for something to go as planned. I would love to get up each day dreading to go to work. If only just for something to do. Cabin fever is setting in and let's face it, I haven't much sanity left to lose ...

so on today's stupid thing that happened:

I was in a store shopping for , well that doesn't matter, I was in a store shopping...

On my way to the register I noticed that their a/c unit was pouring!! water onto the floor; when I get to the checkout I tell the cashier (a boy no older than 15/16 I guess) & tell him about the damage of the clothes on the rack under the a/c vent and the massive puddle. He replies, "All I can say is Oh well, I leave in 5 minutes." & starts ringing my stuff up. REALLY? what the heck is wrong with kids today??  

Granted I have noticed that teens today are definitely the "Me Generation"  - not caring about anything until it directly affects them, but he could have at least called for his manager to let them know. Sure, he probably thinks its a shit job, but (1) you gotta start somewhere and (2) you should at least take some pride in your job no mater what it is. If you are a pig castrator, chop with pride or not at all I say :)

Now that I think back on my money problems, I probably should have gone back down that aisle and "slipped" LOL 

But that would make me no better that half the people I complain about in this world. 

I would rather be poor and be able to face myself in the mirror than shopping til I Drop with money i didn't earn (Ahem! IE the lady who sued McD's over a hot cup of coffee)

Ack! it's 4am!!

Off to bed with me, Lord only knows what tomorrow/today will bring, but if it's interesting I'll post

I was talking the other day with someone about a girl we grew up with (that wasn't what one would call a "looker") who had recently gotten engaged to be married. I asked them If they could get married what is wrong with me? to which the other told me "most people just settle, where you do not."

Later that evening it struck me funny as I reflected on the conversation that there is a colloquial phrase "to settle down" - and I laughed because when people are said "settle down" they get married. I do tend to be very particular where the other sex is concerned and have oft said I do not settle for what I consider sub-standard,so I guess I will never be one to settle down....

Let me talk a little bit about needy emotional people. You know the kind., those that "can't go on this way" the ones that feel that they must make everyone else around them miserable and cranky just like them.

Not everyone wants to get caught up in your little black hole of despair. Sure, we all have our problems and we all need someone to turn to when we have these little upsets. I just recently invite a friend who was down in the dumps to come hang out and have a change of scenery.That same person just stormed out in a huff not more than 5 minutes ago. I suspect it is more because the whiny brat didn't get their way and I refused to quarrel and argue with them about the same old argument that they just refuse to move on from.

 We all do not "release" or deal with them in the same ways. I for example hold things in. I put my little worries in a box and file them away until I can better deal with them.  I do have my little meltdowns from time to time, but I do not project them on others and I do not force people to deal with problems they way I do.
There are some out there who like to beat the dead horse. If I say I don't want to talk about something, then leave me be. Don't get an attitude or throw a tantrum directed towards me because I don't want to talk. If I don't want to talk, I don't want to talk. Trying to guilt me into talking isn't going to work either. You will not change who I am and I will not be susceptible to the gravitational pull of your emotional black hole.
I do not care about your "needs" you have never cared about mine, so they way I look at it we are even.
Is that evil? or is it just the way of the world and something you need to grow up and face?

I am good and G** damned tired of people thinking that my sole purpose on this Earth is to entertain them. There are certain people who only call me when they are bored or need something. Never to just call to check up on me, make sure that I am stilll here, see if there is anything they can do for me. Nope! instead what I get are calls or IMs or emails or voicemails telling me that I need to wake up because it is after such and such time and I should be awake.

well ya know what? This is MY life. I get up when I feel like it, I am not subjected to any other person's idea of "time to be awake". When I turn off ringer or don't answer messages, Don't keep needling me and re-dialing till I answer. And for damn sure, don't you finally get me to answer and then have the nerve to tell me that you are pissed at me because I get angry at having been waken up before I meant to get up. 

It's not like you had something important to tell me like someone has passed away, or been in a horrible car wreck. you only want me to be awake to amuse and entertain you because you are bored and have nothing better to do.

My life is simple. I don't have to be tied to a clock to punch in and out at predisposed times. If i choose to stay up til 3 am watching TV or I happend to still be awake when the sun comes up because I can't sleep,  SO BE IT 

You don't get to tell me that 'normal' people talk to each other in the day light and "[I] don't belong here."

'Cuse me??? I don't belong here?  You must be mad! I belong anywhere I decide I belong. 

If you want entertainment, don't call me. I'm not an entertainer by trade. 

If you want friendship, then I'm here. But friendship is a 2-way street. If you want me to be receptive to you be receptive to me. 

When I call with problems, let me talk; let me get it off my chest. Don't instead try to "one up me" with your problems. I don't mind hearing about what issues you have going on in your world but for heavens sake don't act like you are the only one with problems. And let me add this, if I tell you, for example, that I have one day left to live, don't tell me that you stubbed your toe and understand how I feel. I'm not asking for sympathy on my hypothetical impeding death, but rather just to tell someone what I'm going through. I don't need for you to come up with something simliar to try to "soothe" me. 

I have had enough of people trying to "guilt" me into their way of thinking, their deluded sense of what is right and what isn't. I have never fit into a mold before and I'm sure not gonna try squeezing into one now!

God gave me a brain of my own and I will make decisions as I please. If you don't like it, goodbye.

I no longer care what anyone thinks about me. I'm tired of living for other people. No one else seems to want to live for me, so why should I twist myself into knots trying to please and pamper and cater to them?